What colors are appropriate to wear to the funeral if you are a friend of the family?

Generally, we see the immediate family dressed in dark, conservative colors.  However, there are many factors that may encourage a change from this tradition, such as traditions of the community, religious or personal beliefs, and the age of the deceased, etc.  We would encourage you to wear something that is clean and respectful in appearance.  You may wear any color.  Your knowledge of the family and of the circumstances surrounding the death may help you determine what you would be most comfortable wearing.  We generally tell visitors to wear something that would be appropriate to wear to a church service, or an outfit that would be considered “business casual” for the visitation.  We would still encourage professional dress for the funeral service.  It is always better to err in the direction of formality rather than informality. 

 

Is it proper to have the casket open during the funeral?

If the funeral service is to be held in a church, the casket is usually closed in the sanctuary.  It may remain open if the clergy person approves.  When the funeral service is held at a funeral home we find that many families choose to keep the casket open for visitors to pay their final respects after the service.  Also, services at the funeral home are usually less formal than in a church setting.  The family makes the decision whether the casket will remain open, or if it will remain closed.  The family should always consult with the clergy person before making a final decision. 

 

Am I supposed to send acknowledgement cards for sympathy cards I receive?

It is not necessary to send acknowledgement cards for sympathy cards, telephone calls, food items sent, or other expressions of sympathy.  However, acknowledgement of such kindnesses is appreciated.  It should also be noted that there is no time frame for acknowledgement cards, but we would encourage you to send those out within the few months following the death. 

 

Is humor ever appropriate during such a solemn time?

We often hear laughter during calling hours as family and friends share stories about the deceased.  However, for teenagers and children this can be upsetting and confusing.  It is best to prepare them for the possibility ahead of time.  Follow the lead of those who are grieving because humor is subjective. 

 

Are cars supposed to pull off the road when there is a funeral procession passing?

In Georgia it is not state law to pull off the road, but it is considered very respectful when road conditions and traffic patterns permit.  We would advise motorists to be aware of their surroundings at the time to avoid an accident. 

 

When visiting hours are 6-8pm, as a visitor do I stay the entire time?

Visitors are not expected to stay the entire time of visitation.  If you are close to the family and see a need you can fulfill by staying, your presence would be appreciated.  If there is a long receiving line, keep your remarks to the family brief to help facilitate the receiving of friends. 

 

What is the “number one” statement NOT to make to the grieving family?

Most individuals will indicate that the statement, “I know how you feel” is the most irritating.  Most of us would prefer to hear what our loved one meant to you.  If you did not know the deceased person it is helpful to say things like: “I’ll be thinking about you.”

It is also appropriate to say, “I’ll call to check on you,” if you plan to do so.  It is important to follow through on offers of assistance rather than simply making the statement at the time of the services.  Many families will find the need for assistance once they have begun to “settle down” after the services.  Your offers to help could mean a great deal to them at this later time. Acts of kindness toward a grieving family do not have to be grand gestures, but rather sincere gestures of help on many levels.  Some examples of such acts are: mow the grass, purchase groceries, change the oil in the car, baby-sit, provide a meal, or provide transportation.  Avoid telling the family to “Call me if you need anything.”  Generally, when we are grieving we do not have the energy to call and ask for help.  Again, it is important to follow through when you make the offer to help.